Tuesday, July 19, 2011

How's this for a beginning of the first chapter?

I somewhat feel like you're telling rather than showing. You came straight out and said that he's half-demon. You don't necessarily have the clarify the race or sub-race of the narrator within the first couple of paragraphs. It could be more realistic for the matter to come up in a conversation or for another character to mention it. Just my opinion, really. I see nothing wrong regarding the the setting establishment, I'm assuming you'll offer a description on the inside or back cover of the novel if you plan to get it published. Overall, well done. I commend your characterization. Cheers.

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